The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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