that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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