im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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