I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
