My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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