I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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