You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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