No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
