Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
