Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
