I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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