So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
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Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
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I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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