MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
