just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize