Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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