She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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