i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
