i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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