Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
