You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
