Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
