Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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