just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
