i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
