been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
