Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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