so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
