She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
