So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
