There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
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i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
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The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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