Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
