apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize