Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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