me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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