she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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