I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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