The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
