My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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