you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
