I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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