scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I believe in your delicious
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
