Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.