There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god