can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table