Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
