am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
