You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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