i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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