checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
