Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
