i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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