I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
