it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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