Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
