Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
