we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
