just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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