I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
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Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
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At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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