I got chris browned last night
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
