There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
