Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
