Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
