Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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