have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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