is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
