I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
